They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
