the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
