Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I CAN MOONWALK!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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