my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
