I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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