Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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