Its about making memories worth repressing
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
