I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
