U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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