I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
