Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
