We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
