you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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