I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
