two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Text me some of your sweat
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