she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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