If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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