i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
