She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
