I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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