im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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