Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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