just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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