There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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