are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
