So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
