man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
