Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
