I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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