ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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