Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
