Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
