I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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