Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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