I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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