Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
