I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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