lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
