What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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