and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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