Umm I'm too high to move.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
