It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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