this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
