Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
