Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
