But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize