Sorry, I don't speak sober.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
