Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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