just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
