just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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