If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
