There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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