If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
