I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
