Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
