He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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