I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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