found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
