remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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