There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you win again, gameday.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF