i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
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i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.