Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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