Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
