Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
