Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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