How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
