Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found the puke drawer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
