I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
