If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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